Thursday, October 11, 2012

Gobran Khalil Gobran - Don’t live a half life



Leonid Afremov - Life in Colors

Don’t sit with half-lovers.
Don’t endorse half-friends.
Don’t read for the half-talented.
Don’t live a half life.
Don’t die a half death.


Don’t choose a half solution.
Don’t stand in the middle of the truth.
Don’t dream a half dream.
Don’t hang on a half hope.

If you shut up, shut up till the end.
And if you talked, talk till the end.
Don’t be silent, so that you can speak.
And don’t speak, so that you can be silent.

If you were satisfied, express your gratitude.
Don’t fake a half gratitude.
And if you are unsatisfied, express your disapproval.
Because a half disapproval, is actually an approval.
The half is a life you didn’t live.
It is a word you didn’t say.
A smile you postponed.
A love you couldn’t attain.
A friendship you didn’t know.

This half is what makes you strange
even to the closet people around you.
And It is what makes the closest people,
strangers for you.

The half is to reach and not to reach.
To work and not to work.
To leave and to arrive.
The half is you, when you are not yourself….
Because you didn’t know who you are.
The half is that you don’t know who you are.

And whom you love is not your other half.
It is you in another place at the same time.

Half a drink won’t quench your thirst.
Half a meal won’t satisfy your hunger.
Walking half of the road won’t get you anywhere.
Half of an idea won’t give you a result.
The half is your moment of weakness
, but you are not weak!
Because you are not a half human.
You are a human.
You were here to live a life, not to live a half life!
-Gobran Khalil Gobran

Monday, October 8, 2012

American Beauty Plastic Bag Scene




Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world.
I feel like I can't take it...
and my heart... is just going to ... cave in.

-American Beauty 

Whole Dialogue :

"Do you want to see the most beautiful thing I ever filmed? It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing. And there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was just... dancing with me ... like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid. Ever. Video is a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember ... I need to remember... 

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world ... I feel like I can't take it... and my heart is just going to cave in."

~Dialog and sound track from the movie "American Beauty." The soundtrack album was produced by Chris Douridas, Sam Mendes, and Michael Ostin, and was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Compilation Soundtrack Album for a Motion Picture, Television or Other Visual Media in the year 2000, the first year to offer this award.

The soundtrack features two excerpts from the film's score, composed by Thomas Newman, which won several awards. Elliott Smith's cover of The Beatles song "Because" was the end credit for the film. The track "Dead Already" was later featured in the 2005 film Madagascar. Newman's 'Any Other Name' and 'Dead Already' were sampled by Jakatta for their house track "American Dream" in 2000. [source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Beauty_%28soundtrack%29]

Sex, Orgasm, Female Ejaculation & the Divine - Excerpts From A Presentation



Sex, Orgasm, Female Ejaculation & the Divine - Excerpts From A Presentation

Celebrated sex teacher Sheri Winston talks about sex at levels from the cosmic and spiritual to the micro and anatomical. From Eros as a divine force, to learning orgasm and the source of female ejaculation—it's all here! Excerpted from an April 2009 presentation to the "Goddesses" of Athena's Home Novelties. 


Visit an Oh!-asis of Erotic Empowerment! In-person and on-line classes, digital products, book, articles, blog, consultation information and more. www.IntimateArtsCenter.com


On Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sheri-Winston/36104252590

Phenomenal Penis

How to Have a Mind Blowing Orgasm on Cure Your Man

How to Have a Mind Blowing Orgasm on Cure Your Man


Episode 2: Liberating Masturbation with Betty Dodson, Ph.D.


Episode 2: Liberating Masturbation with Betty Dodson, Ph.D.

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Dr. Lori Buckley interviews Betty Dodson, artist, author, Ph.D., and sexologist. Betty’s books include: Liberating Masturbation, Sex for One: the Joy of Selfloving and Orgasms for Two: the Joy of Partner Sex. Her most recent films are Viva La Vulva, and Orgasmic Women: 13 Selfloving Divas. In this episode Dr. Lori & Betty Dodson discuss Betty’s journey from artist to sexologist and the benefits of mutual masturbation. Betty then tells us her best sex tips to discover ways to increase your partner’s sexual pleasure and satisfaction. She also talks about sex and aging, and tells us why the best is yet to come.













Transcript

Weekly Exercise

KEGELS
On the Minds of Men: Home Exercise
By Dr Lori
Kegel exercises were named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, the man who popularized their importance. Kegel exercises strengthen the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, which is also known as the sexual or pelvic floor muscle.
The potential advantages of doing Kegel exercises are increased sexual pleasure and stronger and longer lasting erections.  They also help with incontinence, and are beneficial for both men and women.
First locate the PC muscles by contracting them while urinating to stop the flow of urine.  Kegel exercises will cause your penis to move slightly (more so when done with an erection). Once you can identify the muscle used to stop your flow of urine, you can do Kegel exercises anywhere.
I recommend you do your Kegel exercises at specific times DAILY.  Some examples include while brushing your teeth or when you’re stopped at a red light, or when your first wake up each morning.
The exercises:
Begin by tightly squeezing and fully releasing you PC muscle 10 times.  Do three sets with a 10-30 second break in-between. Try to do these two times a day for the first few weeks.
As you begin to strengthen your PC muscle, hold your squeeze for longer amounts of time…first 5 seconds, working your way up to 10 seconds then 30 seconds or longer.
Then do just one set, increasing your repetitions to 30, working towards doing 100 or even 200 repetitions per session or 20 minutes a day.
Remember:
There are many variations of this exercise.  The most important thing to keep in mind is to begin slowly so you don’t strain or overwork your PC muscle, or you will feel sore.  
Try to isolate your PC muscle and relax your other muscles to get the most benefits.
Make sure to focus on fully relaxing (not just tightly squeezing) your muscles.
You should begin to notice results in 3-4 weeks.

Liberating Masturbation with Betty Dodson

Dr. Lori Buckley: Welcome to "On the Minds of Men", uncensored sex talk with me – your host, Dr. Lori Buckley.  Today on the show, we're talking about vulvas, women, and sex.  I am so excited today!  Our guest is Betty Dodson, Ph.D., talented artist, author, filmmaker, educator, pioneer, a mentor to so many women, and an authority on women's sexuality. 
Betty Dodson: When I was younger, in my twenties and thirties, I was so embarrassed!  I knew exactly what I wanted but I was ashamed.  What I wanted was, you know, direct clitoral stimulation with a nice, smooth, wet finger or a sweet, little, soft tongue.  And I couldn't say any of those things! 
Because I've never masturbated and I don't know my own body, I don’t know how to make myself have an orgasm.  I come to partner sex a blank! 
Dr. Lori Buckley:  Betty is known for liberating masturbation, for hands-on women's workshops, showing women how to love their vulvas, enjoy masturbation, and how to become orgasmic.  Betty is also known for her many books and films which include the books "Sex for One", "The Joy of Self-Loving", and "Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partner Sex".  Her films include "Viva La Vulva" and "Orgasmic Women: Thirteen Self-loving Divas".  All these things can be found at bettydodson.com.  Now today, Betty is going to enlighten us all and tell us what women want.  Welcome Betty!
Betty Dodson: Wow!  That's one of the best introductions I've ever had! [laughter]
Dr. Lori Buckley: Thank you!  Well I am really, just truly and so sincerely excited and honored to have you here today!  There's so many things that I know that you know and that our listeners want to also know!  Certainly, they want to know more about you – what you do exactly and would like to learn how to give their partners more sexual pleasure. 
Now, I know that you originally came from Kansas.  You were working as a fashion artist.  How did you get from fashion to sex?
Betty Dodson: You don't want to know!  It would take us two days!
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughter] We do!  We do!
Betty Dodson:  Well, it's the art thing.  When I came to New York I started studying art and I fell in love with drawing the nude.  The human body absolutely captured me.  Eventually, the human nude, my nudes had sex on the canvas.  When I started drawing sex was when I seguewayed into human sexuality.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So when you started drawing sex, what do you mean?
Betty Dodson: Well, I was drawing classical nudes and I had the standard mythological, religious themes and all that.  Then one day – well not one day, actually I had a new lover and I was having fabulous orgasmic partner sex – and I thought, "I'm going to have my nudes have sex!  I’m going to draw sex art!  Wow, what a great idea!"  Then of course you have to find a place to show it – this is back in the 50's, darling.  I was so far ahead.  But I did have an exhibition and it was very successful but sex is always a risk for anyone to embrace or take on.  It can be sensational.  But it sells everything! 
But my basic approach has always been supporting masturbation and I don't know if that's so popular. 
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughter] Well!  Masturbation!  So from art to sex, it sort of makes sense that masturbation would follow with that!  What is it about masturbation?  How did you get into masturbation?  Or at least talking about it?
Betty Dodson: It started when I was around five [laughter] and it was like a lifelong activity.  I discovered as a feminist in the 70's that absolutely no one, NO ONE, talked about it, admitted it, that it was anything to do with having good sex with people.  It was incredible!  So I just thought well!  One of my feminist commandments was to liberate masturbation.  So I wrote a book.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Wow!  Talk about courageousness!
Betty Dodson: You know, Lori, I just didn't know better.
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughter] So it was ignorance?
Betty Dodson: You know what I'm saying?  If somebody would have said "here's what's going to happen if you do this", I would have said "forget it!"  Forgetaboutit!
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well I am so glad nobody said that to you because your work has just paved the way for so many people.  And "Liberating Masturbation", I love it!  That was the name of your first book.  And it's exactly what you've done!
Betty Dodson: Well, I've been working towards it.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, it's never done.
Betty Dodson:  It's not liberated yet but it is much better.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh yeah!  Absolutely.  Much, much better.  You know I teach a college class on sexuality so they're about 18 to 24.  I spoke to them the other day and they came up to me after the class.  I told them I was going to be speaking to you and they were so excited.  One of the girls was holding your book, "Sex for One".  She said, "Oh! Make sure you tell Betty how much we love her and how much we appreciate what she's done!"  So even though you started this in the 60's and 70's, young girls are reading your books today and know who you are and they feel okay.  You've taken away some of that shame about how women and girls feel about their bodies, their vulvas, masturbation.  I mean that is so powerful!
Betty Dodson: It's pretty basic stuff, isn't it?
Dr. Lori Buckley: You know, it should be basic.  Why do you think so many people have a difficult time with that?  Talking about it.
Betty Dodson: This society is based on rules and principles and guidelines.  You know, "thou shalt not".  I guess basically what it is, if we have independent orgasms, we’ll end up having independent thoughts.  Thank god!
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, that could be a scary thing, right? [laughter]  Do you think – I already sort of know the answer but I want to hear what you have to say about – how does that then affect our relationships and how we feel about ourselves and our sex life in general?
Betty Dodson: One of the big breakthroughs when I was struggling with having orgasms during partner sex back in the 60's was that I had finally had a lower that was willing to talk about sex.  He's my webmaster to this day; I won't part with him!  We're many, many years past being lovers but he'll always be a dear friend.  We actually decided that we would share masturbation because it would be a way to show each other how we handled our own sex organs.  It's amazing how difficult it is to push through sharing an activity that you spend a llifetime hiding!  It's a huge opening! 
Dr. Lori Buckley: So when you do that, sort of breaking through that, once you do that, what ends up changing for you?
Betty Dodson: There's nothing to be ashamed of.  You demonstrate you're sexual; you can do it by yourself; you've done it for years by yourself; you're happy giving yourself an orgasm and it makes it even more fun when you have a partner.  It deepens any kind of sexual communication.  Now, it's going to be difficult for couples to do this.  But just bringing the subject is a step!  For guys particularly, the thing is that, I had a lot of guys say to me, "well what do you like? what really turns you on? what can I do to make it better for you?"  When I younger in my twenties and thirties I was so embarrassed.  I knew exactly what I wanted but I was ashamed.  What I wanted was direct clitoral stimulation with a nice smooth wet finger or a sweet little soft tongue and I couldn't say any of those things.  I was supposed to have an orgasm from intercourse alone!  Fucking only simply doesn't work for many, many women.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Absolutely.  You are so correct and I see it all the time.  I see it all the time in my practice.  People come in and they say the same thing.  "Oh, it's just too embarrassing!"  We both know that one of the keys to having really wonderful sex is this vulnerability piece.  To be able to talk to your partner openly and masturbate in front of them like you're describing, that does take a certain amount of vulnerability.
Betty Dodson: Isn't that what sex is basically about?  Being vulnerable to this person that you're with.  Being open.  Making your available.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Ideally, yes, absolutely!  I think the masturbation piece of it where, the way you describing, to show your partner what you like and at the same time to – I love the word you used – to break through that and get to the other side which is so amazing and incredible!  To let people know that this something that you can do.  When I'm thinking about that and some suggestion that you might have – clearly you've already made a couple of them – are there any other suggestions that you have?  First, let's kind of break it down for men.
Betty Dodson: When it comes to talking about sex openly, we’re so tongue-tied.  Sometimes it helps if you read a book together and read it out loud; tale turns reading a chapter to each other at a time.  Hopefully get a book that uses regular sex terms, not academic but use all the words that relate to sex.  Say it out loud with each other!  I think that would help.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Do you mean an erotic book?
Betty Dodson: Any book that is dealing exclusively with sex.  It could even be a novel; it could be an erotic book; it could be my book "Sex for One".  I have drawings in there of people sharing masturbation.  It starts a dialogue.  "How do you feel about this?"  "Ew, that's gross!  I wouldn't want to do that!"  And then you say, "how come? have you ever done it before?"  "No, I would never do such a thing."  You see what I'm saying? 
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah!
Betty Dodson: You start a conversation.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I love that!  That is a great suggestion and that's good for men or women.
Betty Dodson: Both.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Any other suggestions?  Either for men or women or both?
Betty Dodson: I'm big on communication.  If you can talk to each other really personally, not in anger or shame or accusations or things like that.  If you're really pissed off at someone, chill out before you bring up the subject.  It's like doing business; you don't want to have someone who's screaming and yelling and furious and stomping around the office.  You want to cool off and sit down and remember your first position is that this is someone you care about!  Why do you want to be so angry?
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.  So don't react.
Betty Dodson: You know what I figured out?  I figured out that I was always angry at myself. 
Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh, it was yourself?!
Betty Dodson: Yeah, I was really mad at myself.
Dr. Lori Buckley: What were you mad about?
Betty Dodson: Whatever.  I didn't speak up or I felt slighted or he didn't do blah blah blah or he didn't bring me flowers or he forgot it was my birthday.  You know what I mean?
Dr. Lori Buckley: I do know what you mean!  And when you think, that is such an important thing what you're saying!  Because there's so many women and men who say, "Well, if he or she loved me, they should know what I want; I shouldn't have to tell them – they should just know".  Right?
Betty Dodson: The mind-readers! [laughter]
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right, right!  I think what you also are bringing up is when you do have the courage and the strength and the confidence to ask for what you want and say what it is you want, that gives you more self-confidence.  It makes you feel even stronger.
Betty Dodson: Absolutely.
Dr. Lori Buckley:  Right?  So it really is this empowering circular thing I think that goes along with everything you're talking about, like masturbation.
Betty Dodson: Everything, everything!  My big problem is figuring out what it is I want.  Once I can figure it out, I can usually articulate it. 
Dr. Lori Buckley: Ah hah!
Betty Dodson: Instead of, "What do you want?"  "Oh, I don't know; maybe a little ..."  "Well I'm not sure.  I haven't tried that!"  It's an inability to make a commitment or a decision and maybe sometimes you feel like you don't know enough to even make a decision like that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.  But then I guess you say that, right?
Betty Dodson:  You could at least say it and once again expose your vulnerability and your partner could jump in and you'd still have a conversation.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Absolutely.  I love that.  It's all about confidence and empowerment and relationship.  And isn't that what sex is?
Betty Dodson: I didn't hear that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I said, isn't that what sex is? 
Betty Dodson: Well yeah.  It's fun but it won't be fun unless you're both enjoying it.  And in order for both the man and the woman or the two women or the two men to enjoy it, they need to get what they want.  And in order to get what they want, they have to let their partner know what that is. 
Dr. Lori Buckley: Absolutely.  I agree with you 100 percent!  I love that!  I was going to ask you, I have this quote.  I think you've answered it but I just want to clarify it because I think it's such a great quote.  You have said, at least I think you've said, "how we make love to ourselves is what we bring to partner sex".
Betty Dodson: I think it's self-explanatory.  In other words, if I've never masturbated and I don't know my own body and i don't know how to make myself have an orgasm, I come to partner sex a blank!  It's got to be up to whoever I'm with to chart the territory and figure it all out.  And by now we know that male sexuality and female sexuality, we have a lot of differences.  So how is a guy supposed to figure out how my sex organ works when I've never seen it, I've never touched it, I have no idea how it works myself?
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.  Well, there you go.  That explains it.  [laughter]  Thank you for that.  Well right now we're going to have to take a short break.  I'm Dr. Lori and I'm with Betty Dodson.  You're listening to "On the Minds of Men" and we'll be right back.
We're back!  You're listening to "On the Minds of Men".  I'm your host Dr. Lori.  We're talking to Betty Dodson about women and sex.  Before the break we were talking about masturbation and how important communication is, just so much information Betty has.  This is great stuff!  I hope you're all taking notes! [laughter]
You know, Betty, I want to hear a little bit more – and I know our listeners do – about what you do in these women's workshops that you do.
Betty Dodson: I did them for 22 years on a regular basis and then I phased them out.  I actually wore out my hip joint.  And then I got hip replacement and I still do private sessions, which is like a workshop for one.  I am considering, I've done a few groups where I'm teaching women and a few men how to do sex coaching, the kind of hands-on work I'm doing which I enjoy.  I think that I may do maybe two or three more body/sex groups, the old format that I used to do back in the 70's and 80's and put it on film.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I think that would be fabulous.  You do have some of those on film now, correct?
Betty Dodson: Yeah, I have "Self-Loving" which is like a documentary of the workshop I did.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I have seen that and it's wonderful.  Is that available on your website as well?
Betty Dodson: Yeah, all of the DVDs and videos are all available on my website.  I also have a few of my favorite sex toys.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh! Great, like the barbell.
Betty Dodson: The barbell is there!
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughter] And for those of you who don't know what we're talking about, the barbell is something that is used for Kegel exercises.  Not sure if we've actually talked about that before on this show.  But Kegel exercises are really important, right Betty?
Betty Dodson: Yeah, it's like you're sex muscle.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.  Your pubococcygeus, the pelvic floor area.  It's something that I recommend to everybody that comes into my office.  It the one thing I tell everybody.
Betty Dodson: Men should do this too because it helps them control their hard time so that they don't come too fast.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.
Betty Dodson:  And then when you get to be older, you won't pee in your pants.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Exactly! [laughter]
Betty Dodson: You'll have the control over your whole urinary system, the bladder and all that stuff.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Good for so many reasons!  Actually that leads me to a really good question that I have. 
By the way, later on this show I will talk more about Kegel exercises and I will have something on the website personallifemedia.com; I will give instructions on how to do Kegel exercises.  I will give you details and it'll be a great assignment for you to do that you could start right away and start improving your sex life.
So what we were talking about is aging.  We're going to have to wrap up here soon but I really would like to talk a little bit about sex and aging.  I'm wondering what you thin k about it.  How does getting older affect our sex life or does it?
Betty Dodson:  The culture absolutely just dumps on old people.  Women start – I don't know where men are at, if they have some of this to a degree – but women start worrying about getting old when they hit 40.  Then they kind of got pushed ahead and then it's 50, menopause.  But then by the time 60 rolls around, you think, "oh my god, this is really it!"  But I would like people to know that the decade of my 70s has been one of the best. 
Dr. Lori Buckley: Wow.
Betty Dodson: The reason for that is, a friend of mine said, "Oh, seventy! Seventy's great – it's the youth of old age!"  If you take care of your body and you eat correctly and you take a nice big dump every day and you exercise and you have orgasms and you love your life, aging is not such a big thing.  It’s not so scary.  But we hold the image that it's going to be grim and I'm going to ridden with disease and you do what all the pharmaceutical companies want you to do, like take all of their meds, then, yes, it can be terrifying.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Absolutely.  If you listeners get nothing else [laughter] from this but that – that is so inspiring!  We do look at getting older with such a negative vision and it's so sad.
Betty Dodson: It's terrible, terrible.  All the jokes about aging and we make fun of old people!  In many ways, depending on the condition of your health, that means physical and mental, that if you're in good health and in good shape and having a good time, age is just simply a number.
Dr. Lori Buckley: You are so right.  You absolutely have to take care of yourself.  There's no question about that.  But you're right, the mental part.  If we have this idea that oh, it's all over and it's all downhill from now –
Betty Dodson: Then we'll create that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Exactly!  Your words are so important that we need to know that no, it can just get better.  Why?  We have so much more knowledge.  We don't really give a shit anymore, right, what people think about us. 
Betty Dodson: One of the best things that happened to me was when I turned 69, which is you know one of my favorite numbers anyway –
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughter] I'm not surprised.
Betty Dodson: I met a man much younger than me and we're still together.  It was so unexpected to have a brand new lover there at that late stage of life.  I was prepared to remain a committed single.  After all, masturbation is my forte.  And wow, next thing I know I'm having great partner sex with this beautiful young man.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Unexpected but yet you were open to it.
Betty Dodson: Totally. 
Dr. Lori Buckley: Had you not been open to it, it would have never happened!
Betty Dodson: I have to say that I fought it a little bit.  You can have reservations and you can go, "well, I shouldn't do that" but think it through.  I decided that it's really about: do I deserve to have pleasure?  That's the key.  This is a very pleasure-negative culture; we're supposed to work and be dedicated and suffer.  I had to really make a choice; can I handle this much pleasure?  I thought, "Hell yes!"
Dr. Lori Buckley: And you're handling it well! [laughter] I know you are.  I'm so glad!  Just really, really glad!
OK, so we're almost out of time but I have one final question for you, Betty.  What is the one thing that men can do to give their partner more sexual pleasure?  I mean some specific trick.
Betty Dodson: [laughter] Try to find out want she does when she masturbates because basically how a woman masturbates is what she'll want to do during partner sex.  If she uses a vibrator when she masturbates, encourage her to bring it into your partner sex.  If she likes to have a certain fantasy or if she likes a certain kind of lighting, find out what she likes and then create the same thing in your partner sex. 
Now if you've got a girlfriend who won't talk then I really don't know what to tell you except move along and find someone who will talk to you about what they like.  Because trying to read someone’s mind, we've already determined, does not work.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It does not work.
Betty Dodson: The other approach would be to try a whole series of things.  It's not sexy.  You go diddle diddle diddle.  "Honey, did you like that?  How did that feel?"  "Oh, it was okay, but nah."  And then you try another stroke and then you try another pressure – you get what I'm saying?
Dr. Lori Buckley: I do!  Trial and error.
Betty Dodson: Each time, you try to get feedback.  Now this isn't going to be a hot, passionate session.  But it'll be a wealth of knowledge about who you're with.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And maybe it could be fun.  It could be like, let’s do some exploring.  Let's just have fun and play and see what we find out.
Betty Dodson: Yeah, turn it into a game.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah! I love that!  I think that is a great bit of knowledge for everybody to take home with them.  I hope that everybody will embrace that and just listen to your words.  Because they are words of wisdom.  If anybody knows about women and vulvas and masturbation and pleasure and, most importantly, how to live – I mean really live – it's you, Betty.  You know I love you; I think you are just fabulous.  Thank you so much for joining us today.
Betty Dodson: Thank you, darling.  It's always fun to hang out with you.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh, I'm crazy about you.  You take care and thank you again!  And, listeners, I want you to join us next week "On the Minds on Men" when we talk to Paul Joannides, author of "The Guide to Getting It On".  We're doing to take a break right now and we will be back.  You're listening to "On the Minds on Men" and this is Dr. Lori.
Hi, this is Dr. Lori.  Well, your take-home exercise today is Kegel exercises.  As we spoke about before, Kegel exercises are the one thing that you can do right away, anytime, nobody knows and it is going to help you last longer.  It's going to give you stronger, more reliable erections.  It is just a wonderful exercise for men and women to do. 
Here's what you do.  You want to start out by isolating your pubococcygeus muscles or your pelvic floor muscles.  The best way to do that is while you're urinating.  In other words, you want to urinate and as you're urinating, you want to squeeze those muscles to stop the flow of urine.  Then you will know that you have isolate your PC muscles and you're doing the Kegel exercises properly.  Again, next time you urinate, you want to squeeze those muscles and stop the flow of urine.  That's the right muscles to be using.  Those are the target muscles when you do these exercises. 
Just like any exercise where you're working out a muscle, you want to go gently.  You don’t want to overdo it or you actually could strain yourself.  So start out easy.  You can do it in your car; you can do it when you're brushing your teeth; you can do it when you're standing in line.  I always recommend that you find a consistent time to do it; that way you know that you will be doing them everyday.  It's just really easy to forget unless you do that.  Brushing your teeth is a good one or at red lights but find something that works for you; whatever you think is the most convenient. 
What you're going to do is you're going to squeeze those muscles that we talked about and make sure you're concentrating on the front part of your muscles as opposed to your anus muscles which tend to get clenched as well.  You want to squeeze those muscles and hold it and then release it.  You also want to concentrate on the relaxation; not just the tightening but on the relaxation as well.  Why don't you start out with three sets of ten.  So you're going to squeeze it, hold it for a few seconds, and then release it.  So do three sets of those, ten each.  Then as you start to become stronger, those muscles strengthen, you can then add more sets; you could hold them for longer amounts of time; you can do more repetitions.  You're just going to work your way up.  You're just going to get stronger and stronger and stronger.  It actually doesn't take very long.  You might start to notice those muscles feeling stronger really in just a few weeks if you do them consistently. 
So don't forget to do your Kegels and start right now!  This is Dr. Lori.  You're listening to "On the Minds of Men" and see you next week.  Bye bye.

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Friday, October 5, 2012

Head Banging in Child Development




 
is surprisingly common. Up to 20 percent of babies and toddlers bang their head on purpose, although boys are three times more likely to do it than girls. Head banging often starts in the second half of the first year and peaks between 18 and 24 months of age. Your child's head banging habit may last for several months, or even years, though most children outgrow it by age 3.

Possible reasons your toddler may bang his head: • Self-comfort. As strange as it may sound, most toddlers who indulge in this behavior do it to relax. They bang their head rhythmically as they're falling asleep, when they wake up in the middle of the night, or even while they're sleeping. Some rock on all fours as well. Developmental experts believe that the rhythmic motion, like rocking in a chair, may help your toddler soothe himself.

• Pain relief. Your toddler may also bang his head if he's in pain — from teething or an ear infection, for example. Head banging seems to help kids feel better, perhaps by distracting them from the discomfort in their mouth or ear.

• Frustration. If your toddler bangs his head during temper tantrums, he's probably trying to vent some strong emotions. He hasn't yet learned to express his feelings adequately through words, so he's using physical actions. And again, he may be comforting himself during this very stressful event.

• A need for attention. Ongoing head banging may also be a way for your toddler to get attention. Understandably, you may tend to become solicitous when you see your child doing something that appears self-destructive. And since he likes it when you fuss over his behavior, he may continue the head banging in order to get the attention he wants.


• A developmental problem. Head banging can be associated with autism and other developmental disorders — but in most of these cases, it's just one of many behavioral red flags. Rarely does head banging alone signal a serious problem.

Give your toddler your attention — but not when he's banging.
Make sure your child gets plenty of positive attention from you when he's not banging his head. If he still bangs his head to get your attention, though, try not to make a big deal about it, or you may reinforce the behavior. Even if you can't completely disregard the behavior, don't scold or punish him for it. He's too young to understand the situation, and your disapproval may only make matters worse.

Protect your child from injury.
Check all the screws and bolts on your toddler's crib once a month or more to make sure the rocking isn't loosening anything. You can also put rubber casters on the crib legs and hang a soft fabric or quilt between the crib and the wall to reduce noise and to minimize wear and tear on the walls and floor.

Don't put pillows or blankets in his crib to soften his surroundings, because these are a suffocation hazard. If you want to use bumpers on your toddler's crib to soften his blows, make sure that they're thin, firm (not puffy), and securely tied to the crib railings, so your toddler can't get his head between the bumper and the railing.

Try not to worry.
Your toddler may get a bruise or two, but don't worry — head banging is usually a "self-regulating" behavior. This means your child is unlikely to hit his head hard enough to seriously injure himself. He knows his threshold for pain and will pull back on the throttle a bit if the banging hurts.

Help foster your child's love of rhythm in other ways.
Your child clearly likes a good steady beat, so help him find other outlets for his love of rhythm. Experts often recommend dancing, marching, and drumming or clapping to music together. You might also try putting a metronome in your child's room to give him the comfort of a steady rhythm. Make sure he gets lots of physical exercise during the day, too, to help him burn off some of the nervous energy that may feed his head banging.

Start a soothing bedtime routine.
If your child is banging his head as a way of "coming down" from his busy day, try setting up a relaxing routine. A warm bath, a calm rock on your lap, and a quiet story or song may help. You may want to spend a few minutes before bed rubbing his back or stroking his forehead. Soft music in his bedroom can be soothing, too.

Consult a doctor if your child's behavior becomes worrisome.
If your child bangs his head a lot during the day or continues to bang his head even though he's hurting himself, you may have cause for concern. Though it's uncommon, head banging can be associated with autism and other developmental disorders, which sometimes become apparent during the toddler and preschool years.

Autistic children generally don't relate well to people. They often aren't interested in physical contact with their parents and seem to look through people rather than at them. If you notice that your child is losing physical abilities, language, or other skills he's acquired; if he's becoming increasingly withd


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CARL JUNG


CARL JUNG  
1875 - 1961
 
Dr. C. George Boeree
 

Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from experimental psychology.  He would be better advised to abandon exact science, put away his scholar's gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart throught the world.  There in the horrors of prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals, in drab suburban pubs, in brothels and gambling-hells, in the salons of the elegant, the Stock Exchanges, socialist meetings, churches, revivalist gatherings and ecstatic sects, through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in his own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with a real knowledge of the human soul. -- Carl Jung
Freud said that the goal of therapy was to make the unconscious conscious. He certainly made that the goal of his work as a theorist. And yet he makes the unconscious sound very unpleasant, to say the least: It is a cauldron of seething desires, a bottomless pit of perverse and incestuous cravings, a burial ground for frightening experiences which nevertheless come back to haunt us. Frankly, it doesn't sound like anything I'd like to make conscious!
A younger colleague of his, Carl Jung, was to make the exploration of this "inner space" his life's work. He went equipped with a background in Freudian theory, of course, and with an apparently inexhaustible knowledge of mythology, religion, and philosophy. Jung was especially knowledgeable in the symbolism of complex mystical traditions such as Gnosticism, Alchemy, Kabala, and similar traditions in Hinduism and Buddhism. If anyone could make sense of the unconscious and its habit of revealing itself only in symbolic form, it would be Carl Jung.
He had, in addition, a capacity for very lucid dreaming and occasional visions. In the fall of 1913, he had a vision of a "monstrous flood" engulfing most of Europe and lapping at the mountains of his native Switzerland. He saw thousands of people drowning and civilization crumbling. Then, the waters turned into blood. This vision was followed, in the next few weeks, by dreams of eternal winters and rivers of blood. He was afraid that he was becoming psychotic.
But on August 1 of that year, World War I began. Jung felt that there had been a connection, somehow, between himself as an individual and humanity in general that could not be explained away. From then until 1928, he was to go through a rather painful process of self-exploration that formed the basis of all of his later theorizing.
He carefully recorded his dreams, fantasies, and visions, and drew, painted, and sculpted them as well. He found that his experiences tended to form themselves into persons, beginning with a wise old man and his companion, a little girl. The wise old man evolved, over a number of dreams, into a sort of spiritual guru. The little girl became "anima," the feminine soul, who served as his main medium of communication with the deeper aspects of his unconscious.
A leathery brown dwarf would show up guarding the entrance to the unconscious. He was "the shadow," a primitive companion for Jung's ego. Jung dreamt that he and the dwarf killed a beautiful blond youth, whom he called Siegfried. For Jung, this represented a warning about the dangers of the worship of glory and heroism which would soon cause so much sorrow all over Europe -- and a warning about the dangers of some of his own tendencies towards hero-worship, of Sigmund Freud!
Jung dreamt a great deal about the dead, the land of the dead, and the rising of the dead. These represented the unconscious itself -- not the "little" personal unconscious that Freud made such a big deal out of, but a new collective unconscious of humanity itself, an unconscious that could contain all the dead, not just our personal ghosts. Jung began to see the mentally ill as people who are haunted by these ghosts, in an age where no-one is supposed to even believe in them. If we could only recapture our mythologies, we would understand these ghosts, become comfortable with the dead, and heal our mental illnesses.
Critics have suggested that Jung was, very simply, ill himself when all this happened. But Jung felt that, if you want to understand the jungle, you can't be content just to sail back and forth near the shore. You've got to get into it, no matter how strange and frightening it might seem.

Biography
Carl Gustav Jung was born July 26, 1875, in the small Swiss village of Kessewil. His father was Paul Jung, a country parson, and his mother was Emilie Preiswerk Jung. He was surrounded by a fairly well educated extended family, including quite a few clergymen and some eccentrics as well.
The elder Jung started Carl on Latin when he was six years old, beginning a long interest in language and literature -- especially ancient literature. Besides most modern western European languages, Jung could read several ancient ones, including Sanskrit, the language of the original Hindu holy books.
Carl was a rather solitary adolescent, who didn't care much for school, and especially couldn't take competition. He went to boarding school in Basel, Switzerland, where he found himself the object of a lot of jealous harassment. He began to use sickness as an excuse, developing an embarrassing tendency to faint under pressure.
Although his first career choice was archeology, he went on to study medicine at the University of Basel. While working under the famous neurologist Krafft-Ebing, he settled on psychiatry as his career.
After graduating, he took a position at the Burghoeltzli Mental Hospital in Zurich under Eugene Bleuler, an expert on (and the namer of) schizophrenia. In 1903, he married Emma Rauschenbach. He also taught classes at the University of Zurich, had a private practice, and invented word association at this time!
Long an admirer of Freud, he met him in Vienna in 1907. The story goes that after they met, Freud canceled all his appointments for the day, and they talked for 13 hours straight, such was the impact of the meeting of these two great minds! Freud eventually came to see Jung as the crown prince of psychoanalysis and his heir apparent.
But Jung had never been entirely sold on Freud's theory. Their relationship began to cool in 1909, during a trip to America. They were entertaining themselves by analyzing each others' dreams (more fun, apparently, than shuffleboard), when Freud seemed to show an excess of resistance to Jung's efforts at analysis. Freud finally said that they'd have to stop because he was afraid he would lose his authority! Jung felt rather insulted.
World War I was a painful period of self-examination for Jung. It was, however, also the beginning of one of the most interesting theories of personality the world has ever seen.
After the war, Jung traveled widely, visiting, for example, tribal people in Africa, America, and India. He retired in 1946, and began to retreat from public attention after his wife died in 1955. He died on June 6, 1961, in Zurich.

Theory
Jung's theory divides the psyche into three parts. The first is the ego,which Jung identifies with the conscious mind. Closely related is the personal unconscious, which includes anything which is not presently conscious, but can be. The personal unconscious is like most people's understanding of the unconscious in that it includes both memories that are easily brought to mind and those that have been suppressed for some reason. But it does not include the instincts that Freud would have it include.
But then Jung adds the part of the psyche that makes his theory stand out from all others: the collective unconscious. You could call it your "psychic inheritance." It is the reservoir of our experiences as a species, a kind of knowledge we are all born with. And yet we can never be directly conscious of it. It influences all of our experiences and behaviors, most especially the emotional ones, but we only know about it indirectly, by looking at those influences.
There are some experiences that show the effects of the collective unconscious more clearly than others: The experiences of love at first sight, of deja vu (the feeling that you've been here before), and the immediate recognition of certain symbols and the meanings of certain myths, could all be understood as the sudden conjunction of our outer reality and the inner reality of the collective unconscious. Grander examples are the creative experiences shared by artists and musicians all over the world and in all times, or the spiritual experiences of mystics of all religions, or the parallels in dreams, fantasies, mythologies, fairy tales, and literature.
A nice example that has been greatly discussed recently is the near-death experience. It seems that many people, of many different cultural backgrounds, find that they have very similar recollections when they are brought back from a close encounter with death. They speak of leaving their bodies, seeing their bodies and the events surrounding them clearly, of being pulled through a long tunnel towards a bright light, of seeing deceased relatives or religious figures waiting for them, and of their disappointment at having to leave this happy scene to return to their bodies. Perhaps we are all "built" to experience death in this fashion.
Archetypes
The contents of the collective unconscious are called archetypes. Jung also called them dominants, imagos, mythological or primordial images, and a few other names, but archetypes seems to have won out over these. An archetype is an unlearned tendency to experience things in a certain way.
The archetype has no form of its own, but it acts as an "organizing principle" on the things we see or do. It works the way that instincts work in Freud's theory: At first, the baby just wants something to eat, without knowing what it wants. It has a rather indefinite yearning which, nevertheless, can be satisfied by some things and not by others. Later, with experience, the child begins to yearn for something more specific when it is hungry -- a bottle, a cookie, a broiled lobster, a slice of New York style pizza.
The archetype is like a black hole in space: You only know its there by how it draws matter and light to itself.
The mother archetype
The mother archetype is a particularly good example. All of our ancestors had mothers. We have evolved in an environment that included a mother or mother-substitute. We would never have survived without our connection with a nurturing-one during our times as helpless infants. It stands to reason that we are "built" in a way that reflects that evolutionary environment: We come into this world ready to want mother, to seek her, to recognize her, to deal with her.
So the mother archetype is our built-in ability to recognize a certain relationship, that of "mothering." Jung says that this is rather abstract, and we are likely to project the archetype out into the world and onto a particular person, usually our own mothers. Even when an archetype doesn't have a particular real person available, we tend to personify the archetype, that is, turn it into a mythological "story-book" character. This character symbolizes the archetype.
The mother archetype is symbolized by the primordial mother or "earth mother" of mythology, by Eve and Mary in western traditions, and by less personal symbols such as the church, the nation, a forest, or the ocean. According to Jung, someone whose own mother failed to satisfy the demands of the archetype may well be one that spends his or her life seeking comfort in the church, or in identification with "the motherland," or in meditating upon the figure of Mary, or in a life at sea.
Mana
You must understand that these archetypes are not really biological things, like Freud's instincts. They are more spiritual demands. For example, if you dreamt about long things, Freud might suggest these things represent the phallus and ultimately sex. But Jung might have a very different interpretation. Even dreaming quite specifically about a penis might not have much to do with some unfulfilled need for sex.
It is curious that in primitive societies, phallic symbols do not usually refer to sex at all. They usually symbolize mana, or spiritual power. These symbols would be displayed on occasions when the spirits are being called upon to increase the yield of corn, or fish, or to heal someone. The connection between the penis and strength, between semen and seed, between fertilization and fertility are understood by most cultures.
The shadow
Sex and the life instincts in general are, of course, represented somewhere in Jung's system. They are a part of an archetype called the shadow. It derives from our prehuman, animal past, when our concerns were limited to survival and reproduction, and when we weren't self-conscious.
It is the "dark side" of the ego, and the evil that we are capable of is often stored there. Actually, the shadow is amoral -- neither good nor bad, just like animals. An animal is capable of tender care for its young and vicious killing for food, but it doesn't choose to do either. It just does what it does. It is "innocent." But from our human perspective, the animal world looks rather brutal, inhuman, so the shadow becomes something of a garbage can for the parts of ourselves that we can't quite admit to.
Symbols of the shadow include the snake (as in the garden of Eden), the dragon, monsters, and demons. It often guards the entrance to a cave or a pool of water, which is the collective unconscious. Next time you dream about wrestling with the devil, it may only be yourself you are wrestling with!

The persona
The persona represents your public image. The word is, obviously, related to the word person and personality, and comes from a Latin word for mask. So the persona is the mask you put on before you show yourself to the outside world. Although it begins as an archetype, by the time we are finished realizing it, it is the part of us most distant from the collective unconscious.
At its best, it is just the "good impression" we all wish to present as we fill the roles society requires of us. But, of course, it can also be the "false impression" we use to manipulate people's opinions and behaviors. And, at its worst, it can be mistaken, even by ourselves, for our true nature: Sometimes we believe we really are what we pretend to be!


Anima and animus
A part of our persona is the role of male or female we must play. For most people that role is determined by their physical gender. But Jung, like Freud and Adler and others, felt that we are all really bisexual in nature. When we begin our lives as fetuses, we have undifferentiated sex organs that only gradually, under the influence of hormones, become male or female. Likewise, when we begin our social lives as infants, we are neither male nor female in the social sense. Almost immediately -- as soon as those pink or blue booties go on -- we come under the influence of society, which gradually molds us into men and women.
In all societies, the expectations placed on men and women differ, usually based on our different roles in reproduction, but often involving many details that are purely traditional. In our society today, we still have many remnants of these traditional expectations. Women are still expected to be more nurturant and less aggressive; men are still expected to be strong and to ignore the emotional side of life. But Jung felt these expectations meant that we had developed only half of our potential.
The anima is the female aspect present in the collective unconscious of men, and the animus is the male aspect present in the collective unconscious of women. Together, they are refered to as syzygy. The anima may be personified as a young girl, very spontaneous and intuitive, or as a witch, or as the earth mother. It is likely to be associated with deep emotionality and the force of life itself. The animus may be personified as a wise old man, a sorcerer, or often a number of males, and tends to be logical, often rationalistic, even argumentative.
The anima or animus is the archetype through which you communicate with the collective unconscious generally, and it is important to get into touch with it. It is also the archetype that is responsible for much of our love life: We are, as an ancient Greek myth suggests, always looking for our other half, the half that the Gods took from us, in members of the opposite sex. When we fall in love at first sight, then we have found someone that "fills" our anima or animus archetype particularly well!
Other archetypes
Jung said that there is no fixed number of archetypes which we could simply list and memorize. They overlap and easily melt into each other as needed, and their logic is not the usual kind. But here are some he mentions:
Besides mother, their are other family archetypes. Obviously, there is father, who is often symbolized by a guide or an authority figure. There is also the archetype family, which represents the idea of blood relationship and ties that run deeper than those based on conscious reasons.
There is also the child, represented in mythology and art by children, infants most especially, as well as other small creatures. The Christ child celebrated at Christmas is a manifestation of the child archetype, and represents the future, becoming, rebirth, and salvation. Curiously, Christmas falls during the winter solstice, which in northern primitive cultures also represents the future and rebirth. People used to light bonfires and perform ceremonies to encourage the sun's return to them. The child archetype often blends with other archetypes to form the child-god, or the child-hero.
Many archetypes are story characters. The hero is one of the main ones. He is the mana personality and the defeater of evil dragons. Basically, he represents the ego -- we do tend to identify with the hero of the story -- and is often engaged in fighting the shadow, in the form of dragons and other monsters. The hero is, however, often dumb as a post. He is, after all, ignorant of the ways of the collective unconscious. Luke Skywalker, in the Star Wars films, is the perfect example of a hero.
The hero is often out to rescue the maiden. She represents purity, innocence, and, in all likelihood, naivete. In the beginning of the Star Wars story, Princess Leia is the maiden. But, as the story progresses, she becomes the anima, discovering the powers of the force -- the collective unconscious -- and becoming an equal partner with Luke, who turns out to be her brother.
The hero is guided by the wise old man. He is a form of the animus, and reveals to the hero the nature of the collective unconscious. In Star Wars, he is played by Obi Wan Kenobi and, later, Yoda. Notice that they teach Luke about the force and, as Luke matures, they die and become a part of him.
You might be curious as to the archetype represented by Darth Vader, the "dark father." He is the shadow and the master of the dark side of the force. He also turns out to be Luke and Leia's father. When he dies, he becomes one of the wise old men.
There is also an animal archetype, representing humanity's relationships with the animal world. The hero's faithful horse would be an example. Snakes are often symbolic of the animal archetype, and are thought to be particularly wise. Animals, after all, are more in touch with their natures than we are. Perhaps loyal little robots and reliable old spaceships -- the Falcon-- are also symbols of animal.
And there is the trickster, often represented by a clown or a magician. The trickster's role is to hamper the hero's progress and to generally make trouble. In Norse mythology, many of the gods' adventures originate in some trick or another played on their majesties by the half-god Loki.
There are other archetypes that are a little more difficult to talk about. One is the original man, represented in western religion by Adam. Another is the God archetype, representing our need to comprehend the universe, to give a meaning to all that happens, to see it all as having some purpose and direction.
The hermaphrodite, both male and female, represents the union of opposites, an important idea in Jung's theory. In some religious art, Jesus is presented as a rather feminine man. Likewise, in China, the character Kuan Yin began as a male saint (the bodhisattva Avalokiteshwara), but was portrayed in such a feminine manner that he is more often thought of as the female goddess of compassion!

The most important archetype of all is the self. The self is the ultimate unity of the personality and issymbolized by the circle, the cross, and the mandala figures that Jung was fond of painting. A mandala is a drawing that is used in meditation because it tends to draw your focus back to the center, and it can be as simple as a geometric figure or as complicated as a stained glass window. The personifications that best represent self are Christ and Buddha, two people who many believe achieved perfection. But Jung felt that perfection of the personality is only truly achieved in death.


The dynamics of the psyche
So much for the content of the psyche. Now let's turn to the principles of its operation. Jung gives us three principles, beginning with the principle of opposites. Every wish immediately suggests its opposite. If I have a good thought, for example, I cannot help but have in me somewhere the opposite bad thought. In fact, it is a very basic point: In order to have a concept of good, you must have a concept of bad, just like you can't have up without down or black without white.
This idea came home to me when I was about eleven. I occasionally tried to help poor innocent woodland creatures who had been hurt in some way -- often, I'm afraid, killing them in the process. Once I tried to nurse a baby robin back to health. But when I picked it up, I was so struck by how light it was that the thought came to me that I could easily crush it in my hand. Mind you, I didn't like the idea, but it was undeniably there.
According to Jung, it is the opposition that creates the power (or libido) of the psyche. It is like the two poles of a battery, or the splitting of an atom. It is the contrast that gives energy, so that a strong contrast gives strong energy, and a weak contrast gives weak energy.
The second principle is the principle of equivalence. The energy created from the opposition is "given" to both sides equally. So, when I held that baby bird in my hand, there was energy to go ahead and try to help it. But there is an equal amount of energy to go ahead and crush it. I tried to help the bird, so that energy went into the various behaviors involved in helping it. But what happens to the other energy?
Well, that depends on your attitude towards the wish that you didn't fulfill. If you acknowledge it, face it, keep it available to the conscious mind, then the energy goes towards a general improvement of your psyche. You grow, in other words.
But if you pretend that you never had that evil wish, if you deny and suppress it, the energy will go towards the development of a complex. A complex is a pattern of suppressed thoughts and feelings that cluster -- constellate -- around a theme provided by some archetype. If you deny ever having thought about crushing the little bird, you might put that idea into the form offered by the shadow (your "dark side"). Or if a man denies his emotional side, his emotionality might find its way into the anima archetype. And so on.
Here's where the problem comes: If you pretend all your life that you are only good, that you don't even have the capacity to lie and cheat and steal and kill, then all the times when you do good, that other side of you goes into a complex around the shadow. That complex will begin to develop a life of its own, and it will haunt you. You might find yourself having nightmares in which you go around stomping on little baby birds!
If it goes on long enough, the complex may take over, may "possess" you, and you might wind up with a multiple personality. In the movie The Three Faces of Eve, Joanne Woodward portrayed a meek, mild woman who eventually discovered that she went out and partied like crazy on Saturday nights. She didn't smoke, but found cigarettes in her purse, didn't drink, but woke up with hangovers, didn't fool around, but found herself in sexy outfits. Although multiple personality is rare, it does tend to involve these kinds of black-and-white extremes.
The final principle is the principle of entropy. This is the tendency for oppositions to come together, and so for energy to decrease, over a person's lifetime. Jung borrowed the idea from physics, where entropy refers to the tendency of all physical systems to "run down," that is, for all energy to become evenly distributed. If you have, for example, a heat source in one corner of the room, the whole room will eventually be heated.
When we are young, the opposites will tend to be extreme, and so we tend to have lots of energy. For example, adolescents tend to exaggerate male-female differences, with boys trying hard to be macho and girls trying equally hard to be feminine. And so their sexual activity is invested with great amounts of energy! Plus, adolescents often swing from one extreme to another, being wild and crazy one minute and finding religion the next.
As we get older, most of us come to be more comfortable with our different facets. We are a bit less naively idealistic and recognize that we are all mixtures of good and bad. We are less threatened by the opposite sex within us and become more androgynous. Even physically, in old age, men and women become more alike. This process of rising above our opposites, of seeing both sides of who we are, is called transcendence.

The self
The goal of life is to realize the self. The self is an archetype that represents the transcendence of all opposites, so that every aspect of your personality is expressed equally. You are then neither and both male and female, neither and both ego and shadow, neither and both good and bad, neither and both conscious and unconscious, neither and both an individual and the whole of creation. And yet, with no oppositions, there is no energy, and you cease to act. Of course, you no longer need to act.
To keep it from getting too mystical, think of it as a new center, a more balanced position, for your psyche. When you are young, you focus on the ego and worry about the trivialities of the persona. When you are older (assuming you have been developing as you should), you focus a little deeper, on the self, and become closer to all people, all life, even the universe itself. The self-realized person is actually less selfish.

Synchronicity
Personality theorists have argued for many years about whether psychological processes function in terms of mechanism or teleology. Mechanism is the idea that things work in through cause and effect: One thing leads to another which leads to another, and so on, so that the past determines the present. Teleology is the idea that we are lead on by our ideas about a future state, by things like purposes, meanings, values, and so on. Mechanism is linked with determinism and with the natural sciences. Teleology is linked with free will and has become rather rare. It is still common among moral, legal, and religious philosophers, and, of course, among personality theorists.
Among the people discussed in this book, Freudians and behaviorists tend to be mechanists, while the neo-Freudians, humanists, and existentialists tend to be teleologists. Jung believes that both play a part. But he adds a third alternative called synchronicity.
Synchronicity is the occurrence of two events that are not linked causally, nor linked teleologically, yet are meaningfully related. Once, a client was describing a dream involving a scarab beetle when, at that very instant, a very similar beetle flew into the window. Often, people dream about something, like the death of a loved one, and find the next morning that their loved one did, in fact, die at about that time. Sometimes people pick up he phone to call a friend, only to find that their friend is already on the line. Most psychologists would call these things coincidences, or try to show how they are more likely to occur than we think. Jung believed the were indications of how we are connected, with our fellow humans and with nature in general, through the collective unconscious.
Jung was never clear about his own religious beliefs. But this unusual idea of synchronicity is easily explained by the Hindu view of reality. In the Hindu view, our individual egos are like islands in a sea: We look out at the world and each other and think we are separate entities. What we don't see is that we are connected to each other by means of the ocean floor beneath the waters.


The outer world is called maya, meaning illusion, and is thought of as God's dream or God's dance. That is, God creates it, but it has no reality of its own. Our individual egos they call jivatman, which means individual souls. But they, too, are something of an illusion. We are all actually extensions of the one and only Atman, or God, who allows bits of himself to forget his identity, to become apparently separate and independent, to become us. But we never truly are separate. When we die, we wake up and realize who we were from the beginning: God.
When we dream or meditate, we sink into our personal unconscious, coming closer and closer to our true selves, the collective unconscious. It is in states like this that we are especially open to "communications" from other egos. Synchronicity makes Jung's theory one of the rare ones that is not only compatible with parapsychological phenomena, but actually tries to explain them!
Introversion and extroversion
Jung developed a personality typology that has become so popular that some people don't realize he did anything else! It begins with the distinction between introversion and extroversion. Introverts are people who prefer their internal world of thoughts, feelings, fantasies, dreams, and so on, while extroverts prefer the external world of things and people and activities.
The words have become confused with ideas like shyness and sociability, partially because introverts tend to be shy and extroverts tend to be sociable. But Jung intended for them to refer more to whether you ("ego") more often faced toward the persona and outer reality, or toward the collective unconscious and its archetypes. In that sense, the introvert is somewhat more mature than the extrovert. Our culture, of course, values the extrovert much more. And Jung warned that we all tend to value our own type most!
We now find the introvert-extravert dimension in several theories, notably Hans Eysenck's, although often hidden under alternative names such as "sociability" and "surgency."

The functions
Whether we are introverts or extroverts, we need to deal with the world, inner and outer. And each of us has our preferred ways of dealing with it, ways we are comfortable with and good at. Jung suggests there are four basic ways, or functions:
The first is sensing. Sensing means what it says: getting information by means of the senses. A sensing person is good at looking and listening and generally getting to know the world. Jung called this one of the irrational functions, meaning that it involved perception rather than judging of information.
The second is thinking. Thinking means evaluating information or ideas rationally, logically. Jung called this a rational function, meaning that it involves decision making or judging, rather than simple intake of information.
The third is intuiting. Intuiting is a kind of perception that works outside of the usual conscious processes. It is irrational or perceptual, like sensing, but comes from the complex integration of large amounts of information, rather than simple seeing or hearing. Jung said it was like seeing around corners.
The fourth is feeling. Feeling, like thinking, is a matter of evaluating information, this time by weighing one's overall, emotional response. Jung calls it rational, obviously not in the usual sense of the word.


We all have these functions. We just have them in different proportions, you might say. Each of us has a superior function, which we prefer and which is best developed in us, a secondary function, which we are aware of and use in support of our superior function, a tertiary function, which is only slightly less developed but not terribly conscious, and an inferior function, which is poorly developed and so unconscious that we might deny its existence in ourselves.
Most of us develop only one or two of the functions, but our goal should be to develop all four. Once again, Jung sees the transcendence of opposites as the ideal.
Assessment
Katharine Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers found Jung's types and functions so revealing of people's personalities that they decided to develop a paper-and-pencil test. It came to be called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and is one of the most popular, and most studied, tests around.
On the basis of your answers on about 125 questions, you are placed in one of sixteen types, with the understanding that some people might find themselves somewhere between two or three types. What type you are says quite a bit about you -- your likes and dislikes, your likely career choices, your compatibility with others, and so on. People tend to like it quite a bit. It has the unusual quality among personality tests of not being too judgmental: None of the types is terribly negative, nor are any overly positive. Rather than assessing how "crazy" you are, the "Myers-Briggs" simply opens up your personality for exploration.
The test has four scales. Extroversion - Introversion (E-I) is the most important. Test researchers have found that about 75 % of the population is extroverted.
The next one is Sensing - Intuiting (S-N), with about 75 % of the population sensing.
The next is Thinking - Feeling (T-F). Although these are distributed evenly through the population, researchers have found that two-thirds of men are thinkers, while two-thirds of women are feelers. This might seem like stereotyping, but keep in mind that feeling and thinking are both valued equally by Jungians, and that one-third of men are feelers and one-third of women are thinkers. Note, though, that society does value thinking and feeling differently, and that feeling men and thinking women often have difficulties dealing with people's stereotyped expectations.
The last is Judging - Perceiving (J-P), not one of Jung's original dimensions. Myers and Briggs included this one in order to help determine which of a person's functions is superior. Generally, judging people are more careful, perhaps inhibited, in their lives. Perceiving people tend to be more spontaneous, sometimes careless. If you are an extrovert and a "J," you are a thinker or feeler, whichever is stronger. Extroverted and "P" means you are a senser or intuiter. On the other hand, an introvert with a high "J" score will be a senser or intuiter, while an introvert with a high "P" score will be a thinker or feeler. J and P are equally distributed in the population.
Each type is identified by four letters, such as ENFJ. These have proven so popular, you can even find them on people's license plates!
ENFJ (Extroverted feeling with intuiting): These people are easy speakers. They tend to idealize their friends. They make good parents, but have a tendency to allow themselves to be used. They make good therapists, teachers, executives, and salespeople.
ENFP (Extroverted intuiting with feeling): These people love novelty and surprises. They are big on emotions and expression. They are susceptible to muscle tension and tend to be hyperalert. they tend to feel self-conscious. They are good at sales, advertising, politics, and acting.
ENTJ (Extroverted thinking with intuiting): In charge at home, they expect a lot from spouses and kids. They like organization and structure and tend to make good executives and administrators.
ENTP (Extroverted intuiting with thinking): These are lively people, not humdrum or orderly. As mates, they are a little dangerous, especially economically. They are good at analysis and make good entrepreneurs. They do tend to play at oneupmanship.
ESFJ (Extroverted feeling with sensing): These people like harmony. They tend to have strong shoulds and should-nots. They may be dependent, first on parents and later on spouses. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and excel in service occupations involving personal contact.
ESFP (Extroverted sensing with feeling): Very generous and impulsive, they have a low tolerance for anxiety. They make good performers, they like public relations, and they love the phone. They should avoid scholarly pursuits, especially science.
ESTJ (Extroverted thinking with sensing): These are responsible mates and parents and are loyal to the workplace. They are realistic, down-to-earth, orderly, and love tradition. They often find themselves joining civic clubs!
ESTP (Extroverted sensing with thinking): These are action-oriented people, often sophisticated, sometimes ruthless -- our "James Bonds." As mates, they are exciting and charming, but they have trouble with commitment. They make good promoters, entrepreneurs, and con artists.
INFJ (Introverted intuiting with feeling): These are serious students and workers who really want to contribute. They are private and easily hurt. They make good spouses, but tend to be physically reserved. People often think they are psychic. They make good therapists, general practitioners, ministers, and so on.
INFP (Introverted feeling with intuiting): These people are idealistic, self-sacrificing, and somewhat cool or reserved. They are very family and home oriented, but don't relax well. You find them in psychology, architecture, and religion, but never in business.

INTJ (Introverted intuiting with thinking): These are the most independent of all types. They love logic and ideas and are drawn to scientific research. They can be rather single-minded, though.
INTP (Introverted thinking with intuiting): Faithful, preoccupied, and forgetful, these are the bookworms. They tend to be very precise in their use of language. They are good at logic and math and make good philosophers and theoretical scientists, but not writers or salespeople.
ISFJ (Introverted sensing with feeling): These people are service and work oriented. They may suffer from fatigue and tend to be attracted to troublemakers. They are good nurses, teachers, secretaries, general practitioners, librarians, middle managers, and housekeepers.
ISFP (Introverted feeling with sensing): They are shy and retiring, are not talkative, but like sensuous action. They like painting, drawing, sculpting, composing, dancing -- the arts generally -- and they like nature. They are not big on commitment.
ISTJ (Introverted sensing with thinking): These are dependable pillars of strength. They often try to reform their mates and other people. They make good bank examiners, auditors, accountants, tax examiners, supervisors in libraries and hospitals, business, home ec., and phys. ed. teachers, and boy or girl scouts!
ISTP (Introverted thinking with sensing): These people are action-oriented and fearless, and crave excitement. They are impulsive and dangerous to stop. They often like tools, instruments, and weapons, and often become technical experts. They are not interested in communications and are often incorrectly diagnosed as dyslexic or hyperactive. They tend to do badly in school.
Even without taking the test, you may very well recognize yourself in one or two of these types. Or ask others -- they may be more accurate!   But, if you like, you can take my Jungian personality test on the internet:  Just click here!

Discussion
Quite a few people find that Jung has a great deal to say to them. They include writers, artists, musicians, film makers, theologians, clergy of all denominations, students of mythology, and, of course, some psychologists. Examples that come to mind are the mythologist Joseph Campbell, the film maker George Lucas, and the science fiction author Ursula K. Le Guin. Anyone interested in creativity, spirituality, psychic phenomena, the universal, and so on will find in Jung a kindred spirit.
But scientists, including most psychologists, have a lot of trouble with Jung. Not only does he fully support the teleological view (as do most personality theorists), but he goes a step further and talks about the mystical interconnectedness of synchronicity. Not only does he postulate an unconscious, where things are not easily available to the empirical eye, but he postulates a collective unconscious that never has been and never will be conscious.
In fact, Jung takes an approach that is essentially the reverse of the mainstream's reductionism: Jung begins with the highest levels -- even spiritualism -- and derives the lower levels of psychology and physiology from them.
Even psychologists who applaud his teleology and antireductionist position may not be comfortable with him. Like Freud, Jung tries to bring everything into his system. He has little room for chance, accident, or circumstances. Personality -- and life in general -- seems "over-explained" in Jung's theory.
I have found that his theory sometimes attracts students who have difficulty dealing with reality. When the world, especially the social world, becomes too difficult, some people retreat into fantasy. Some, for example, become couch potatoes. But others turn to complex ideologies that pretend to explain everything. Some get involved in Gnostic or Tantric religions, the kind that present intricate rosters of angels and demons and heavens and hells, and endlessly discuss symbols. Some go to Jung. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this; but for someone who is out of touch with reality, this is hardly going to help.
These criticisms do not cut the foundation out from under Jung's theory. But they do suggest that some careful consideration is in order.
The positive things
On the plus side, there is the Myers-Briggs and other tests based on Jung's types and functions. Because they do not place people on dimensions that run from "good" to "bad," they are much less threatening. They encourage people to become more aware of themselves.
The archetypes, at first glance, might seem to be Jung's strangest idea. And yet they have proven to be very useful in the analysis of myths, fairy tales, literature in general, artistic symbolism, and religious exposition. They apparently capture some of the basic "units" of our self-expression. Many people have suggested that there are only so many stories and characters in the world, and we just keep on rearranging the details.
This suggests that the archetypes actually do refer to some deep structures of the human mind. After all, from the physiological perspective, we come into his world with a certain structure: We see in a certain way, hear in a certain way, "process information" in a certain way, behave in a certain way, because our neurons and glands and muscles are structured in a certain way. At least one cognitive psychologist has suggested looking for the structures that correspond to Jung's archetypes!
Finally, Jung has opened our eyes to the differences between child development and adult development. Children clearly emphasize differentiation -- separating one thing from another -- in their learning. "What's this?" " Why is it this way and not that?" "What kinds are there?" They actively seek diversity. And many people, psychologists included, have been so impressed by this that they have assumed that all learning is a matter of differentiation, of learning more and more "things."
But Jung has pointed out that adults search more for integration, for the transcending of opposites. Adults search for the connections between things, how things fit together, how they interact, how they contribute to the whole. We want to make sense of it, find the meaning of it, the purpose of it all. Children unravel the world; adults try to knit it back together.
Connections
On the one hand, Jung is still attached to his Freudian roots. He emphasizes the unconscious even more than Freudians do. In fact, he might be seen as the logical extension of Freud's tendency to put the causes of things into the past. Freud, too, talked about myths --Oedipus, for example -- and how they impact on the modern psyche.
On the other hand, Jung has a lot in common with the neo-Freudians, humanists, and existentialists. He believes that we are meant to progress, to move in a positive direction, and not just to adapt, as the Freudians and behaviorists would have it. His idea of self-realization is clearly similar to self-actualization.
The balancing or transcending of opposites also has counterparts in other theories. Alfred Adler, Otto Rank, Andreas Angyal, David Bakan, Gardner Murphy, and Rollo May all make reference to balancing two opposing tendencies, one towards individual development and the other towards the development of compassion or social interest. Rollo May talks about the psyche being composed of many "daimons" (little gods) such as the desire for sex, or love, or power. All are positive in their place, but should any one take over the whole personality, we would have "daimonic possession," or mental illness!
Finally, we owe to Jung the broadening of interpretation, whether of symptoms or dreams or free-associations. While Freud developed more-or-less rigid (specifically, sexual) interpretations, Jung allowed for a rather free-wheeling "mythological" interpretation, wherein anything could mean, well, anything. Existential analysis, in particular, has benefited from Jung's ideas.

Readings
Most of Jung's writings are contained in The Collected Works of Carl G. Jung. I have to warn you that most of his works are not easy going, but they are full of interesting things that make them worth the trouble.
If you are looking for something a little easier, you might try Analytic Psychology: Its Theory and Practice, which is a collection of lectures and is available in paperback. Or read Man and His Symbols, which is available in several editions ranging from large ones with many color pictures to an inexpensive paperback. If you want a smattering of Jung, try a collection of his writings, such as Modern Library's The Basic Writings of C. C. Jung.
The best book I've ever read about Jung, however, is the autobiographical Memories, Dreams, Reflections, written with his student Aniela Jaffé. It makes a good introduction, assuming you've read something like the preceding chapter first.

Copyright 1997, 2006  C. George Boeree